WHAT IS TRAUMATIC GRIEF?

​This term refers to the sorts of grief that result from a sudden or violent death, or an out-
of-order death. Losing a child to suicide is a triply hard sort of traumatic grief,
as it is the loss of a child, a loss that involves trauma and also subjects the bereaved
family with feelings of being stigmatized.

will i ever heal from this?

You are forever changed by the suicide of your child. You already know that. You will create a new normal and probably never return to your old normal. Doing the tasks of grieving allows you to relax into the pain, to experience rather than suppress it. If we don’t allow ourselves to feel the pain and have our own grief process, grief waits on us. Grief waits for us to come around and feel it. All persons grieve differently, but we all grieve. Acknowledgement helps alleviate some bit of the pain. Most grieving parents find being open to the pain will allow, in one's own time, an increased ability to also feel glimmers of joy.

Two helpful images of grief:

1. Being suddenly burdened by a 200-pound pack and having to carry it every day, every minute, forever. The weight never changes, we just grow new muscles and get used to carrying it. 
2. The hole in my heart never heals, I just grow a bigger heart around the hole, resulting in greater compassion and forgiveness for myself, my family, my deceased child, the suffering of others.

​​WHAT CAN I GAIN BY ATTENDING A SUICIDE BEREAVEMENT SUPPORT GROUP?

The group can provide:

• A sense of community and companionship on the most difficult of life journeys
• An empathetic environment where you can relax and know you are understood
• A sense of belonging at a time when you might feel isolated from others
• The hope for regaining lost functioning and finding your new normal
• Support in dealing with holidays, difficult anniversaries or special occasions
• A sounding board to discuss fears and concerns
• A setting where free expression of grief is the norm, confidentiality is observed, and compassion and nonjudgmental attitudes prevail
• Opportunities to learn new ways of approaching tough problems and coping with the grief
• A safe place to be quiet when you don't feel like sharing and yet seek the companionship of similarly bereaved mothers

IS MY STORY GOING TO OVERWHELM OTHERS IN THE GROUP? Might i be OVERWHELMED BY OTHER MEMBERS' STORIES?

No. Plain and simple. You are in the presence of other similarly bereaved moms. The stories will differ, but the eternal love for our children unites the group. In fact, bereaved parents report a renewed sense of self by simply being present to one another in the group. The simple truth of your presence is a support to others, without having to do or say anything.

IS THE SUICIDE OF A CHILD MORE DIFFICULT THAN OTHER LOSS?

 Yes, probably so. In his book “SOS: Survivors of Suicide,” Jeffrey Jackson notes that “the American Psychiatric Association ranks the trauma of losing a loved one to suicide as ‘catastrophic’ – on par with that of a concentration camp experience.” The suicide of a child is a devastating vortex of pain: the sudden grief; the trauma to your body and mind; the feelings of guilt; the stigma that you may feel.  No matter the cause of a child’s death, any child loss is out of order. We are not supposed to outlive our children. Our children hold our dreams. When they die, many parents say a part of themselves has died. And, yes,a child lost to suicide increases the pain for parents. 

MY BODY IS EXHAUSTED AND MY MIND IS MUDDLED. IS THIS NORMAL?

​Yes. Trauma—a wound--is manifest in the body and in the mind. It is an additional aspect of grieving the loss of a beloved child to suicide.

When would i be ready for individual grief counseling or a grief support group?

 It is never too soon or too late for individual grief counseling. 

​Grief support groups are made up of long term bereaved and those more recently bereaved. For the newly bereaved, it will take a few weeks after the suicide before a group experience would be supportive. Please contact me to discuss. 

What is Susan's Therapeutic Approach?

Unconditional positive regard, believing that all clients have within themselves, the truth of their story, the pathways to greater peace and higher functioning after the devastating loss of a child’s suicide. I will not tell you how to walk this grief path. I offer kindness and acknowledgement, respect, space to be and to talk and to listen. I offer a place to just be YOU. ​Somehow, having your grief acknowledged alleviates some of the intense suffering that globs onto the basic pain of the loss.

what is the format for a group session?

• Introductions
• Check-in by each person (with no crosstalk)  
• Conversation
• Closing

Is this group a limited number of sessions?

No. This is an ongoing suicide-bereavement group for moms. Because grief has its own time and pace, its own individual pattern, bereaved moms need a group for as long as they need it.

is this a spiritual or religious group?

No. Certainly, every person has their worldview which is theirs to embrace, to question and clarify; the nature of the universe naturally comes up in times of bereavement. Group members are free to speak of their own spiritual or philosophical ideas, with the understanding that others in the group may not share their philosophy.  

How do I talk about suicide?

Some suicide-bereaved families and bereavement experts have moved away from using the phrase "committed suicide", because to speak of suicide in this way, equates ending one's own life with criminality and with sin. Thankfully, the phrase "died by suicide" is being used to more compassionately refer to suicide. 

In past centuries, suicide was illegal; and in some religious traditions suicide is still regarded as a mortal sin. This sort of hateful judgement needlessly adds to the suffering of an already devastated heart.

Why don't you accept insurance?

Insurance companies do not reimburse for grief counseling. There is no billing code for grief counseling. Health insurance companies want to force all grief counseling into something called "ADJUSTMENT DISORDER". Grieving is not a disorder. It is a normal and natural response to loss.